I recently had to complete a CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) form. Today, I got it back again with a query about my name.

Now, my surname is, as you probably know or have guessed, Cowen. This is my family’s surname and the name I received at birth. I’ve never had a different surname.

In Section C of the CRB form, Line 20 provides a box labelled Surname at birth (if different). It’s that bit in parentheses that’s important here:”if different”. My surname at birth is, as I said, not different from the surname I gave as my name. So I left that box blank.

My ‘mistake’, apparently was that, in Section A Line 1, I selected Ms as my title for the innocent reason that I don’t like to be called Miss (I find it unnecessary to tell people that I’m unmarried or to give the impression that I’m a 10-year-old girl). By selecting Ms, however, I could be hiding the fact that I am, or have been, actually married and, thus, who knows what my surname at birth was.

Despite the fact that I’ve signed the form to say that it contains the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And the fact that it asks me only to provide my surname at birth (IF DIFFERENT)!

I think you get the idea that I’m a touch annoyed by all this. The upshot of it all is that the charity for whom I’m getting the CRB check done has had to send me the form back by recorded delivery so that I can fill in a box that I correctly didn’t fill in the first time. Anyway, I’ve written my surname at birth in Line C20 as requested and as if it didn’t say “(if different)”. And now I’ve to return the form to the charity so that they can post it back to the CRB agency.

Last Saturday evening we toddled back down to Harbour Lights (our local Picture House cinema) to watch the live cinecast of The Secret Policeman’s Ball (comedy gig by Amnesty International to Protect the Human). It was so good that I’d have blogged about it as soon as I got home except that my PC had broken down (later found to be a dodgy PSU :-S ) and, to be honest, it was past my bedtime and I fell asleep.

I only saw the old ‘Balls’ in the past couple of years when Tony bought a boxed set of them on DVD. Watching it live was even more fun though. The show was performed at the Royal Albert Hall and then cinecast live to 17 Picture House cinemas around the country.

The whole thing was pretty slick and the technology didn’t let it down. Not quite sure how it all worked but the sound and picture was good and only very occasionally did the picture flicker to show that there was some disturbance. The doors opened at 7pm and due to start at 7.30pm. From 7pm there was an analogue clock displayed on the screen counting down with witty comments alongside it as 7.30pm came and went.

It finally got going about quarter to eight…and just kept going until the interval…and then on till midnight.

Each half kicked off with music; the first half by the Zutons and the second by The Magic Numbers. They were good but probably sounded better if you were in the hall with them – I think being on a flat screen lost something there.

The comedy was ace though. Like Andrew Maxwell (who was v. good even though no one had heard of him before), Russell Brand, Jessica Stevenson, Ronnie Ancona and John Colshaw, Sarah Silverman, Seth Green, Eddie Izzard (who was back on form after his disappointing Sexie DVD, IMHO)…and special mention goes to Dave Armand and Natalie Imbruglia who were just so funny miming to Torn.

Apparently, the edited show is going to be shown on Channel 4 on 31st October. At 4-5 hours running time it must be pretty heavily edited so I’m just glad we got to see the unedited version…so nah-nah-na-nah-naaah!

And in the serious bit at the end where Jeremy Irons talked passionately about why the Ball was there at all (so serious that he didn’t even make any jokes about torture, rape or murder!), everyone in the cinema was so involved (having been laughing, clapping, and cheering the whole way through), that everyone stood up when he asked us to and signed postcards to support Amnesty’s Protect the Human campaign to prevent or resolve human rights abuses going on today.